


Meme: Fics That I Would Never Write

by LizBee



Category: Doctor Who, Harry Potter - Rowling, Sherlock Holmes - Doyle
Genre: Crack, Gen, Meme, crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-02
Updated: 2007-05-06
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizBee/pseuds/LizBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return(and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them." Here are the responses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where Mycroft Holmes Joins Torchwood

_Prompt: mycroft's first civil service job: torchwood. _

From Professor Pangaea

 

*

 

As far as Mycroft was concerned, dealing with alien riffraff was no job for a gentleman. Her Majesty, however, felt otherwise, and someone had decided that the place for young Mycroft Holmes was the newly created Torchwood Institute.

"There are rifts, you see," said Hartman, his mutton-chops twitching as he spoke. "All over Britain, things are falling through. Things from the future, the past. Not to mention--" He waved his hand to indicate the sky. "Damn nuisance. New century coming. Got to be prepared."

Mycroft examined the curious reflective disc in his hand. Words were printed on one side: _Try AOL for 30 days for free! Unlimited downloads!_ He recognised the words, but they made no sense to him; England's future, he felt, was already looking dubious.

"Well," said Hartman at last, "that's the tour. Any questions, Holmes?"

"Just one," said Mycroft. "Where's the tea room?"


	2. Rose and Martha in a High School AU

_Prompt: HIGH SCHOOL AU!_

From Livii

 

*

 

"Rose!" The Deputy Principal snagged a passing student. "Just the girl I was hoping for. This is Martha -- she's new. Show her around, would you? Introduce her to people. You know what it's like." To Martha, she added, "Rose was new last term."

Rose had dirty blonde hair and a wide, cheeky smile. And despite the school's strict uniform policy, Martha was relieved to see that she, too, was wearing big earrings and gobs of make-up.

"It's not a bad place," said Rose, leading her through an unending maze of corridors. "I mean, it's a school, but it could be worse. What subjects are you doing?"

Martha had paused to look at a poster (_Wanted: Photographer for school newspaper -- see Sarah Jane @ the printing block after school!_). "Biology, chemistry, maths, physics, English and modern history," she chanted. "I'm going to be a doctor."

Rose pulled a face. "Better you than me," she said. "I'm supposed to be doing art this term, only _someone_ blew up the art room." She dropped her voice. "You should know -- nearly everyone here is really nice, but some people are a bit..."

"Aggressive?"

"Violent. Like, the girl who blew up the art room? Is completely obsessed with explosives. She's probably going to be expelled, but her best friend's still here, and Leela's really into knives."

"Wow."

"I know. And the weird thing is, Ace's boyfriend? Total chess club nerd."

"That's so sweet," Martha said, but she was distracted by a passing boy, tall and skinny with a shock of dark hair and a Sex Pistols t-shirt visible under his uniform.

Rose followed her gaze.

"Cute, yeah?"

"Oh yeah," said Martha.

"He's my boyfriend," said Rose sweetly. "So ... maybe he's not that cute after all?"

"I guess not," said Martha. And if, deep down, she spent most of her physics classes admiring his profile and his long fingers and the shape of his hairline, and--

Well, the point was, Rose didn't have to know.


	3. The One Where Romana Was Raised By The Tylers

_Prompt: To save Romana from dying in the Time War, he goes back into her time line, kidnaps her as a baby, and takes her to live with Jackie Tyler, who raises her and Rose as sisters._

From Branwyn

 

*

 

"Mum," said Rose over dinner, "Romana's been using my mascara again."

"Mum," said Romana, "Rose stole my Burberry cap."

"You're wearing my earrings!"

"You used up all my eyeliner."

"I hate this family," said Rose. "I wish I was adopted."

Jackie looked away.

"Don't ever say that," she said.

*

It wasn't exactly a surprise, finding out she was adopted. For one thing, she didn't look like her mother or sister. For another, she worked it out for herself when she tested her own DNA, on the machine she'd built out of bits of equipment stolen from the science labs and Mickey.

Rose's science assignment had involved mould on a piece of bread, and she copied most of it out of the textbook.

It all made sense.

Aside from the bit about being an alien; that had had been a surprise. Turns out that Mickey had been right all along. Not that she was going to give him the satisfaction of finding out.


	4. Snape and the Doctor fighting aliens

_Prompt: Snape and the Doctor team up to save the world from something other than Voldemort or Daleks._

From Kerravonsen

 

*

 

Snape had seen some unpleasant sights in his life. Torture. Violence. Voldemort. Longbottom's potions. Dumbledore at the Annual Hogwarts Karaoke Evening.

He looked dispassionately at the approaching Cybermen and said, "I've seen more threatening suits of armour. Admittedly with Peeves inside, but--"

"Professor," said the Doctor, "just run."

Snape obeyed, but he couldn't resist the temptation to raise his wand and throw a curse back at their metallic pursuers.

He picked up his pace and smiled as the Tarantallegra curse took effect behind them.


End file.
